Rainbow Dash

They had all the components to make a Rainbow Dash costume at Party City.  There was a full blown Pinkie Pie costume in her size.  I thought surely we would be set, and I would have escaped making a Halloween costume this year.  But when those big blue eyes look at you and say, "I want you to make it."  Well, by God, you make a Rainbow Dash costume.

There probably isn't supposed to be profanity along the way, but there was.  There probably wasn't supposed to be three trips to Hobby Lobby involved either,  but there was that too.  How could one little pony, excuse me... Pegasus, be such a pain in the butt?!?  

I started with this fantastic model, a crap ton of tulle, scissors, ribbon, some glue, and just enough crazy to think I would tackle this in no time. Honestly, I feel like this is the point in which someone should have reminded me that I hate making tutus.  It's tedious and time consuming.  Tulle is a... well, not fun... to work with.  Plus, with this whole pregnancy thing I've taken on, my patience is at a negative number.  (If that's a thing.  I'm pretty sure it is.)

So I cut and cut and started tying my little heart out.  (Shout out to Bitty for holding the ribbon while I tied.)  It wasn't long before I realized that I didn't have near enough tulle to finish this skirt.  I contemplated making wider tail to make up for it, but then I realized having a tail wider than her butt might not be the look I was going for.  Then I'd just be mad at myself for taking a short cut, and I'd go back and redo it.  Cue the phone call to Husband.

Husband was out searching the town for a light blue leotard.  I could tell he was eager to head back to Hobby Lobby to get more tulle for me, so in an effort to make his day even brighter I went ahead and asked for a piece of felt also.  He sends me pics to make sure he got the right stuff.  (Such a gem Husband is.)  I tell him I can't really tell in the pictures if it's what I want, but it seems okay.

Sweet Husband gets home and the tulle he got was HORRIBLY wrong.  It wasn't even blue.  I'm not sure what he was thinking.  Bless his heart.  That meant he had to go back.  But since Husband loves Hobby Lobby and crafty women and running my errands... well, who am I to stop him?!?  

In the mean time, I put together some ears for this costume.  I had everything I needed for that.  And I got the "cutie mark" completed.  (Thank you second trip to Hobby Lobby and the felt request.)  I was pretty proud.  It was looking somewhat like my model.

Well, the third time's a charm.  Finally enough tulle in the right color.  Husband has become a hit with the Hobby Lobby ladies after his third trip.  They built his ego claiming him to be a "saint" and me the "lucky wife".  Whatever... I got my tulle.

The show goes on.  THREE.  HOURS.  LATER.  I finished this Rainbow Dash costume.  I tried it on her because I'll be damned if Halloween night comes and that costume doesn't work like a freakin' charm!  I immediately decided I put too much work into it for her to wear to her Halloween party tomorrow night.  (That'll teach her to turn down the Party City costume!)  So here we are.  Ghetto rigged as all get out, but by God.... SHE'S RAINBOW DASH!

My mom sees her and excitedly exclaims, "You're a cat!!"

Processing

In yesterday's post I filled everyone in on our latest surprise, THE BABY!  Today, I thought I'd share a little more about how I have processed it all.  It's been extremely hard not to write and share my feelings as this has all been happening because that is how I process.  The writing it down is cathartic, and the sharing it holds me accountable to my feelings.  It requires me to process them and face them rather than push them aside.

I know that many of you who know me personally also know that surprises and I go together about as well as oil and water.  Needless to say, this has been a transition for me.

I guess I should back track a little.  Josh and I had been working hard on some life plans and goals that we had set.  I had just settled in to that feeling that things were going in the right direction.  I truly felt like big things were about to happen for us.  (Clearly, I just had NO IDEA!)  We had short term plans of moving and making some changes for the big kids, and we had long term plans of raising these kids and opening our home to fostering and adoption.  

In the instant it took to pee on that stick, I could feel my entire world shifting out of it's comfort zone.  Now in all fairness, my comfort zone is quite small.  I like routine and predictability.  The only spontaneity I'm up for is that in which I impulsively concoct and con my ever patient husband into.  I'm a creature of habit... a homebody... and generally pretty boring.

It was extremely hard to maintain my composure as I told my husband and close family and friends about our news.  I am a firm believer that life begins at conception.  I believe in God's plan.  I believe that babies are a blessing... always.  I hold so many beliefs that were being tested.  And then the fear... oh the fear!  If I didn't instantly attach to this baby quick enough would God take it from me?  Was I even worthy to be it's mother when I'm so unsure about my feelings?  I knew these feelings were irrational.  God doesn't take babies.  But that's how my mind works... impulsive and irrational.  That's me.

After some tears and deep reflection I had to mourn the loss of the dreams I currently had.  The changes that would not come at this time.  The children I wanted to love and care for that would not be mine.  I had to realize I could still do all the things I wanted to do, but perhaps it would look differently.  God had a different plan for our family, and I had to trust in that.  Obviously, that is not always my strength.

Now I'm at a place where I'm feeling much better about things.  There are still days this all seems so surreal.  I've accepted the fact that my feelings are real and okay.  I know that history shows that it takes me awhile to bond with my babies in utero.  (I think this this is partly due to feeling sick and tired all the time.)  But I can still be a good mother.  I'm still worthy of having children to love and care for.  And if God sees fit that Josh and I bring another child into this world, I will welcome that.  It is truly an honor that I do not take lightly.

Today, I have no idea what life will look like by the time the baby arrives in April.  There are so many things I am unsure of.  But today I am at peace knowing that I am the proud mother of four children who are so very loved.  And for today, that's enough.

Greens Baby

So we've officially blasted all over social media that...

Yep... That's right!  Baby #4 is on the way!  I have no doubt that leaves many people going, "What on earth are they thinking?"  "Don't they know what prevents that?"  "Didn't they just say their kid slept with grapes in her mouth?"  "They've lost their minds!"  And yeah... maybe we have!  There are certainly days I think that as I'm juggling our life of homeschooling, gymnastics, baseball, room parent, etc.  

However, the biggest question I've been getting is, "Was this planned or was it a surprise?"  It makes me giggle when people ask.  And I certainly don't mind answering.  So here is my answer... Baby #4 was a surprise to our family but certainly part of God's plan for us.  Here is our story:

Since we had Hadlie five years ago, we have been practicing natural family planning.  For many reasons we didn't feel as if birth control was a fit for us.  We charted like crazy people, and we were extremely accurate.  Not one mistake.  Until July.  Our first "uh oh" in five years.  We knew that day when we went to chart it (told you we did this like crazy people) that we had played with fire.  But honestly we figured that the odds were in our favor.  We weren't careful for a year and half before we finally got Miss Hadlie.  But one time is all it takes!

Of course this made no sense to me.  A year and a half before getting Hadlie and one time for baby #4?!?  So I began researching.  What had I been doing differently?  What made me so fertile this time?  Didn't my body remember it only likes to get pregnant in December?  

I began looking back.  I had been on a health kick.  (Which I have quickly thrown out the window to eat anything and everything that I want until this baby comes!!)  I had been walking, using our It Works Wraps, and drinking my Greens religiously.  So which part of this made me Fertile Myrtle?!?  

I believe hands down it was the Greens (with the help of the Wraps).  The Greens correct your body's alkalinity.  What do you find when you research alkalinity and pregnancy?  Well, the more alkaline your body, the easier it is for you to get pregnant!  (Which makes total sense when you think about how an alkaline body works against cancer!)  And BAM!  As soon as I read that it all clicked! 

This is my little Greens Baby!  I have no doubt that they were doing exactly what they were designed to do in my body, and this baby is my proof of that!  Most people get more energy and become healthier.  I got a BABY!  Talk about RESULTS!  

Now that I have looked into it more, I know that I'll start back on my health kick as soon as I'm able to with baby and breastfeeding.  I was feeling good and starting to lose some weight.  (I've gained every pound plus some back.  Thank you constant nausea only cured by food... and lots of good meds!)  But since we know the Greens do some serious work in my body, Daddy will be going on a field trip soon... SNIP SNIP ;)

Edited to add:  We've had several questions regarding the Greens.  You can find a product description here.  Please e-mail me at joshnjessmarick@gmail.com if you have any questions regarding the Greens or the specifics of what I was doing/using.

Disney Dad

I've been doing some research on why children with unmarried parents prefer to live with their fathers.  Basically I've been curious to whether it's a gender preference, an age thing, etc.  Obviously this is not always the case, kids wanting to live with their dads, that is.  But in our home it is, so I wanted to know why.  That's just how I function.  I have to know the why... the science... whatever behind it.  Not that I don't believe my children or trust their feelings, but I know research has been done on this so I was curious to what it said.  So I've read everything I can find.  Scientific research, op ed pieces, web forums... you name it, I've read it!

As I begin to look into this, an alarming trend appeared from women.  (Mostly in web forums, but also some op ed pieces as well.)  Women claimed over and over again their child only wanted to live with their ex because their ex was what many refer to us a "Disney Dad" or "Uncle Dad".  This meaning, the dad is just around for the fun and not the actual parenting.  This infuriated me for many reasons so I'm putting it out there in the world that this girl right here (one biological and step mom) thinks women believing this might actually be fooling themselves instead of just accepting the fact that their child's needs are changing.  I'll use my home as my example.

My step son comes here to visit.  The visitation my husband was given was 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends; Thursdays during the school year; 30 days during summer in addition to weekends; school holidays rotating each year.  So starting off the courts have set dad's up to have children during "quality time" periods.  These are generally times when the father and children do not have work or school obligations as frequently.  Thus, creating the perception that dad only does the fun stuff.  Well, court system and ladies, we've set it up to be this way.  It has been proven that the non-custodial parent actually has more "quality time" with the child than the custodial parent in custody situations such as ours.  Most of the hours the child has in the custodial household are spent sleeping and at school.  Once you add in homework, dinner, and extra curricular activities your "quality time" has been lost in the day to day life.  But remember, this arrangement is what you wanted.

Camping with the girls while J-Man was making memories
with his Mom over Memorial Day weekend!

Now to dispel the myth that all that happens at the non-custodial house is fun and play.  Well, maybe in some homes, but not in ours (or anyone that I know).  We have lives just like the rest of you.  We have a marriage and other children.  We have a world that was spinning while we didn't have my step son here.  It did not stop when he left our home to await his return.  And when he does return each time there are still toys to be picked up, practices to attend, church obligations, and yep... date nights or alone time that don't involve any of our kids.  

Oh, and those weekday visits (including the summer).  Well, we still have to go to work.  It's funny how that goes.  I will say in our home, we are very fortunate.  The kids are cared for by their grandparents in our absence.  Their routine does not differ.  Also, my husband and I have flexible work schedules.  So the children are never left more than a few hours at a time and a maximum of four days a week.  However, that has nothing to do with my step son's visitation schedule.  This is the life we chose because we have three children who need us to be present in their lives.  

Sometimes being a "good dad" means
throwing batting practice!

In addition to us working year round, the school year brings extra challenges because you add in homework and earlier bed times.  This lessens the amount of "fun" time that anyone is having.  And usually means that this mom is counting the minutes until bedtime due to pure exhaustion.

I know it may seem ideal and be easier on the hearts of mom's around the world to think that dad's house is all fun and games.  And I'd imagine that sometimes it really is more fun.  But that's not because dad is trying to one up you.  He's simply being himself.  Research has shown that dad's play more frequently with their children.  Dad's do parenting differently.  It's taken me a long time to realize this (okay, so I'm still working on it), but this is okay and *gasp* good for the children!

My research has nothing to do with this topic, but I just couldn't read another post by some mom about how her child only wanted to live with dad because he was a "Disney Dad".  It made me feel all defensive.  And in full disclosure, my husband has never been accused of this
by his ex so it's not even personal.  More so it just irritated me for father's everywhere.  

And sometimes being a "good dad" means time alone
with Mama!  

I've noticed a huge movement by father's trying to prove they are just as vital as mother's.  Research has backed this up time and time again.  As women we have to support this notion that they matter just as much as mother's do.  Someday our son's will grow up, and we live in a fallen world.  They may find themselves in circumstances which require them to defend their ability to parent equally.  If we are not paving the way for them to have this opportunity now, then we are doing them an injustice.  

My step son wants to live with his dad.  And I may not understand all the reasoning behind it, but there is one thing that is for certain... it's not because he's a "Disney Dad".  Let's stop using that as our defense and start looking at the million other reasons research and our children are telling us might possibly be the case.

Fourth Grade

Tomorrow I'll walk into our local elementary school and drop my Bitty Boo off for fourth grade.  I'm not really good at that kind of thing... you know, milestones and such.  I will cry and not want to leave.  She will smile her reassuring smile and nudge me out of the door.  

All day long I'll wonder what she is doing and how her day is going.  I'm leaving her in a familiar place with someone who is a stranger to us both.  It seems a little odd that each year we get a only a few minutes to "meet the teacher"... the teacher we are entrusting our child to for the next nine months.  

Does this teacher know how special my girl is?  Does she know that my Lexie girl wears her heart on her sleeve?  Does she know that praise speaks volumes and criticism crushes her spirit?  Does she know what her eyes look like when she doesn't feel good?  Does she know she is my heart and soul?  Would she understand if I tried to tell her?

So many questions and only times holds these answers.  So many fears and unknowns.  So much blind trust... faith, if you will.

Tomorrow I'll walk into our local elementary school and leave a piece of my heart in fourth grade... and I'm just not quite ready for that yet.

************
My Precious Girl,

Tomorrow as you start fourth grade, it is my hope for you that you open your heart and mind to new hopes, new dreams, new possibilities.  I hope your days are filled will laughter and learning.  I pray that you find beauty in the new knowledge you will gain and show pride in your work.  I dream for peaceful school days in a place that you feel loved, valued, and safe.  I pray that above all else, you will always be kind.  God has given you a gift to feel deep compassion for others.  I hope that you never deny that gift and that you reach out to those who many need a friend.  I pray without ceasing that you remember that who you are in Christ's eyes far exceeds who you are in the eyes of your best friend, your teachers, and even myself.

Tomorrow you take another step towards a future of independence.  But with each step forward, please remember that at the end of the day you come home to a place where it is okay to fall back... fall into the arms who love you.  A place where you don't have to be "mature" or "cool".  A place where we don't care what you wear or who you play with at recess.  A place where you are loved unconditionally.  You will find this year, and in the years to come that having this "place" is invaluable.  Because feelings will be hurt, hearts will be broken, and bad grades will come.  You will need this constant.   Please never be afraid to talk to us, share with us, let us love you.

Being your mother continues to be one of my greatest joys in this lifetime.  There is nothing you could ever do to make me feel differently.  Bitty, Mommy loves you so very much.  I am in awe of the young lady you are becoming.  I will never understand how I could have been a part of making something so miraculous... so wonderful!  But here you are... and I could not be prouder.

So tomorrow my precious angel, walk into fourth grade, and just be you!  The beautiful wonderful you that God created you to be!  I carry your heart, my sweet baby girl... I carry it in my heart!

I love you,

Mommy

How Many is Too Many?!?

When my husband and I were approached about doing a new network marketing company, we hesitated a little at first.  I was already involved in one company that has fantastic products that I truly stand behind 100%!  It seemed like it might be a conflict of interest.  So when I researched the subject, I didn't find much out there.  What I did find had conflicting opinions.  I believe that everyone is entitled to their own view on whether or not this is something that is right for them, but I wanted to share with you how we came to our decision.

The company I am involved in alone is a great company.  As I said before, the products are top notch!  Part of the reason I chose to get involved with it is because it had such a variety of products, but all the products stayed true to their brand and philosophy.  I liked that consistency.

However, after being involved with that company for a couple of years I have realized that just like with all things in life... not everything is a fit for everyone.  So when we were approached about another company that had products we felt passionate about it, we decided to give them both a try. 

I know this comes with mixed ideas and opinions.  I'm sure we'll receive backlash from people for taking this approach.  However, our purpose is to help provide for our family in a way that benefits others.  To find two companies who help us do this is really just great!

I do not think our business will be divided or that one of our companies will suffer because of the other.  I think it allows us a better opportunity to meet the needs of more people!  As for us, we have used both companies products, and it's working for us!  I'd be willing to be there are other people out there who would do the same.  After all, I'm not brand exclusive when I shop for groceries, clothes, or anything else.  I find what I like from each company and make it work for me!

This is a personal decision everyone has to make, but that was our thought process.  I hope it helps someone else in making a decision that works for their family!

We'd love for you to check us out, and we are happy to answer any questions you may have!

Visit us at jessicamarick.myarbonne.com or marick.myitworks.com or e-mail us at joshnjessmarick@gmail.com!  We look forward to hearing your feedback on what worked for your family!

Character

As a mother, building children of good character is probably one of the most challenging tasks I face.  My children live in a world where people seem more concerned with their reputation than they are with their character and teaching them the difference is not always easy.  

Because the proverbial glass in our home must remain half full at all times, my husband and I have chosen to take the unfortunate experiences our children witness and use them as teachable moments.  It has them allowed to see the character of their friends (and sometimes family) as well as those in the world around them.  And hopefully it is also teaching them what type of person they need to be.

I think sometimes as adults it's easy to struggle with this also.  Especially if we are the type of people who have a desire to please others.  (That would be me.)  Often times I worry more about how it will look if I do or (especially) don't do something instead of looking at my intentions behind it.  When my intentions are not pure, my character becomes tainted.  

It is not hard to see through those with the wrong intentions or those simply doing things to try to impress others.  I know it always makes me chuckle to watch from the outside the people who try to act as if they have a life that is something it is not.  I find myself having trouble respecting people who do this.  I imagine it's hard to respect yourself as well...

A little while back I began writing my TransparentME series of blog posts.  (They will pop up every now and then as I feel I am emotionally ready to share.)  But since then they have changed my life in another way.  They have inspired me to not worry about my reputation... or at least not give in to those worries by making that my focus.  Instead, my focus is my character.  Who am I when no one is looking or listening?  

I think what inspires me most to stay the course is realizing that God is always watching.  When it's all said and done, He is the one I will answer to.  He will know what I have done, who I have helped, and who I have misled.  He will know the true intent behind my actions and the state of my heart at all times.  

I'm not going to lie and say it's been easy to be honest and transparent.  I am a "pleaser".  I want people to be happy with me.  (And that doesn't always happen when you are laying the truth out there... about yourself, others, life in general... people are afraid of that sometimes!)  I want people to think I'm doing a good job at life.  But that isn't always honest.  Sometimes I'm just sucking at everything.  Probably more often than not, I'm sucking at most things!  And the truth is, when I'm not honest with myself and others that just hurts me more than anyone else.  If I'm not capable of saying that sometimes I am not making the cut, then I'm not opening myself up for real growth.  

If I could really imprint one thing in my children's minds it would be that their character counts!  Their reputation may make the nice ladies at work like them or their best friend from high school think they are still super awesome, but it WILL NOT make them into the person God wants them to be.  It will not make them be able to lay their head down at night with peace and personal fulfillment.  And quite honestly, they will just be embarrassing themselves.  And no Mama ever wants her babies embarrassed!  So ask yourself this kids, "Who are you when no one is watching?!?"