Cooper's Birth Story

Today my sweet baby boy is one week old.  I figured it was time that I write down his birth story so one day I'll be able to share it with him.  So here goes...

On Thursday, March 26 at 37 weeks pregnant, we arrived at the hospital for my 6:00 AM induction.  Of course it was a slow process of checking in (why they have you pre-register, I do not understand because I'm not sure it sped anything up).  I believe it was around 7:45 AM by the time I was all hooked up and officially strapped to the IV pole.  It was an extremely calm morning, and I was actually getting frustrated because I didn't feel as if I was making any progress.  It showed I was having contractions, but it didn't feel like anything more than Braxton Hicks at the most.

Around 10 something my precious doctor came in and broke my water.  I was only at 3 centimeters at this point which only made me more frustrated.  However, the kids were there so for the most part I just chilled and took it all in.  About 10:30 AM I felt my first contractions and had the kids leave the room with my mom.  My sister and hubby stayed with me.  

It's amazing how your body works because by 11:00 AM I was hurting so badly!  I decided to forgo my natural childbirth plan and begged for an epidural.  The nurse checked me at 11:10 AM, and I was at 4 centimeters.  I remember looking at the clock and being so frustrated.  I was in tears by this point because I was now "in line" for an epidural, but I did not have one.  As I was crying and saying bad words through contractions (because I was in total control of myself, of course) I just felt something was wrong.  I kept telling the nurse I wanted to push because it felt good, and she was telling me not to.  I know she checked me somewhere in there because I remember her saying I was at an 8 and knowing that I wasn't going to get the epidural.  This only upset me more realizing I was going to have to do this because I was sure I couldn't.  (Not one of my prouder moments that day in the delivery room.)

By 11:30 I was ready to push as my doctor walked in.  She got me focused enough to push and reminded me that I didn't really want an epidural anyway.  I don't think she cared that I changed my mind in there.  I'll never forget how casual it was.  There was a room filled with people... most likely due to the fit I was having.  Honestly, I have no idea who they were or where they came from, but they were there watching.  My doctor just sat at the end of the bed.  No crazy stirrups or lights.  No blue surgery looking cover up thing.  Some gloves and a mask thing that I had to wait for her to put on, and then she let me push.  I pushed four times, and she laid my baby boy on stomach.  

The mixture of emotions was overwhelming.  He was here.  He was okay.  We had waited what felt like forever to know this.  I was okay, too.  And I felt such a relief of having him out of my body!  (If you've pushed a baby out, you know this instant feeling of relief.)

This was an experience like no other.  Not only was it fast and furious and oh so painful, but it was pretty amazing.  I've never had a natural birth before so feeling everything was such a different experience.  The labor itself, the pushing, all of it.  There is something so primal and beautiful about it while in the same moment it's painful and agonizing.  The human body is certainly amazing.  And I will forever be grateful that God knew I needed that experience... I needed to feel those moments of pain, fear, and failure before He victoriously brought my son into this world and into my arms.

I have had the honor of loving two little boys and being a "mom" to them both.  But there has been a longing in my heart to be the mother of a boy that I gave birth to.  I had honestly given up that dream, and I was so satisfied with my three precious babies.  I wrestled with the reason for this pregnancy, and I questioned God's plan more times than I believed in it.  

As I look back, I see all of this was part of His plan.  He saw fit that this pregnancy was viable when my heart wasn't in it.  He put it on my heart not to find out the sex of this baby, which would have provided the answer to so many "whys" for me.  He walked us through a valley of uncertainty with our baby's health.  He made sure I felt the struggle.  He made sure I had no where to go but to Him, even when He knew I didn't want to.  Even when He knew it was the hardest thing for me to do.  

On March 26 at 11:34 AM, I became the mother to a little boy weighing 5 lbs. 6 oz. measuring 18 1/2 inches long.  A part of me that was missing, is now whole.  Cooper Byron is my miracle... my redemption... my precious son.  God did THAT!

A side note - Choosing a name for a baby whose sex is unknown was a difficult task for us.  Many people have asked me what our name choices were since we kept a lot of things pretty hush hush.

For a girl we had it narrowed down to: 
Georgia Rae
Sadie Rae
Clara Rae
(Rae honoring my sister Rachel)

For a boy we had it narrowed down to:
Tripp Byron
Hayes Byron
Cooper Byron

In the end, we chose Cooper Byron.  We knew we wanted to honor my father by using his name as the middle name.  Then we looked at our family and who we are in this season of life.  When we described ourselves we came up with the words: Jesus, Gymnastics, and Baseball.  So it only seemed right that we chose Cooper taken from Cooperstown where the Baseball Hall of Fame resides.  We love our Mini Coop :)

Baby 4 - 35 Weeks

We went for our weekly visit to the perinatologist today so I thought I'd update.  (There really wasn't much to say last week so that's why I didn't post anything.)  

Today they measured Baby 4.  We are now a whopping 4 lbs. 5 oz.  The doctor seemed pleased with this growth.  (Almost a pound since they measured two weeks ago when we were 3 lbs. 9 oz.)  However, we are still on the tiny side for a normal 35 weeker.  So that means the same rules of kick counts and not doing anything continue.  In addition to that they have decided we will have the baby at 37 weeks.

The way the doctor explained it is that right now it appears that Baby 4 is just tiny with no other issues.  However, there really is no way to know this until baby arrives.  So she felt it would be best to let the baby get "full term", but not wait any longer so as not to risk any further complications.  I guess that all makes sense.  I'm really just going with the flow since I'm not in the baby doctor business.

I'm torn on how I feel about this because I really wanted to go into labor naturally this time.  I'm also ready to meet this baby, and I feel like a lot of my emotional stress will be gone once Baby 4 is actually in my arms.  I think this 37 week time frame gives us good odds for no NICU time (unless something is wrong, which I do not suspect).  I know that Baby 4 will be tinier than "average" so my hope is really just to get and stay over the 5 lb. mark, which I think we can easily do.

My nerves have calmed down since my last update.  I think it helps that we see one doctor or the other twice a week.  That's a lot of hearing the baby and seeing the baby so it's very reassuring.  My OB is also the most amazing person ever.  I was nervous at the beginning of the pregnancy about having a new doctor than my past pregnancies, but this has clearly been a "God thing".  

So all that to say... we have an induction date.  I'm only 1 cm. dilated right now so I suspect we'll move forward on the induction date and not sooner.  My next update should be that Baby 4 has arrived!

Thank you all for your prayers for Baby 4 and our family.  They have been felt, and I know that is why we continue to receive such wonderful news at each doctor's visit.  I'm beyond grateful for each and every one of you who has taken the time to read this and care about our sweet growing family!  

Baby 4 - 33 Weeks

I've debated how much of this we would share because really there isn't a lot to say, and we have more questions than we do answers.  However, we have good people in our lives who really love us and our family, and this seems the easiest avenue to keep everyone updated on Baby 4.

Those of you on Facebook or who have talked to us lately are aware that a few weeks ago there was some concern about the size of Baby 4.  So we waited a couple of weeks and we had a sonogram to determine if this was a concern that needed to be validated or not.  At that sonogram our OB measured Baby 4 to be in the less than third percentile.  This came with a referral to a perinatologist.  

So Thursday (at exactly 33 weeks) we went to our first visit with the perinatologist.  Now I should be honest and admit that I really was not worried about this appointment.  I assumed we'd go and she'd look at the baby and say, "Yep.  Baby is small, but so were your other babies.  However, all is well.  It was nice to meet you.  Oh, and don't forget to take these pictures of your cute little munchkin."

But it didn't go exactly like that.  For one she did not use words like munchkin.  She was much more sophisticated and official than that.  Instead she said words to us like chromosomal abnormalities and still birth.  Which was not at all how I pictured this visit going.  

She wrapped it all up with our new care plan of once a week sonograms, three times daily kick counts (10 movements per hour), and our regular visits with the OB as well.  I thought she was going to set me ablaze with her eyes when she asked what type of job I had.  Yeah, needless to say my new day will consist of going to work and sitting (no more coaching or moving really at all) and then coming home and doing nothing.  Then she told me how her goal is to keep the baby in until 37 weeks, but she will decide week to week how that will go.  So just to be sure she was really serious about all this news she'd thrown my way, I asked her if I could travel (since Lexie has an out of town meet coming up), and she said, "Um, no.  Once you are considered high risk you do not get to go anywhere."

Ohhhh... so this is a high risk thing?!?  I hadn't really put all that together.  Then it all started to sink in.  "Yes, that's right... She said chromosomal abnormalities and still birth.  Oh wait, and she said I can't do anything.  But my kids have activities."  It all just started to get jumbled in my mind because that's what things do to me.  So we made appointments for the next few weeks, and we were on our way.

On the way home Josh suggested that we find out the sex of the baby.  He didn't say it, but I was sure he was thinking it was because our baby could die before it was ever born.  She did say there was a very high risk of that in tiny babies.  Maybe he was putting those pieces together.  So I said maybe we should find out too.  Just to take one element of surprise away and to allow us to bond better with the baby.  Maybe if we love it better then it will be okay.  Maybe if I wouldn't have been so devastated at finding out I was pregnant then it would be okay.

And that's how my mind works.  In a big jumbled mess.  And usually it just spirals out of control until I have a complete emotional melt down and completely fall apart.  Then my precious husband comes and puts me back together.  But I knew yesterday was the day for quiet tears and sleep.  He was processing too.  It wasn't fair to lose it on him yet.  

I felt better after I slept.  And I started to think more rationally.  The doctor did say at the very beginning of our appointment the words I'm going to hang on to, believe in, and pray for... "There is a chance that the baby is perfectly healthy, but just small."  

So I ask that you join my family and I in prayer that this chance is reality for Baby 4, and that I will keep what's left of my sanity.  And please pray for my husband who would never let one know he is worried about a thing, but he loves this baby too and has from day one.

I will update again next week.  I'm sure it will be short and sweet.  And hopefully it will say, "Baby 4 has miraculously grown to normal baby size!"  Thank you for your love and support, sweet friends!

Processing

In yesterday's post I filled everyone in on our latest surprise, THE BABY!  Today, I thought I'd share a little more about how I have processed it all.  It's been extremely hard not to write and share my feelings as this has all been happening because that is how I process.  The writing it down is cathartic, and the sharing it holds me accountable to my feelings.  It requires me to process them and face them rather than push them aside.

I know that many of you who know me personally also know that surprises and I go together about as well as oil and water.  Needless to say, this has been a transition for me.

I guess I should back track a little.  Josh and I had been working hard on some life plans and goals that we had set.  I had just settled in to that feeling that things were going in the right direction.  I truly felt like big things were about to happen for us.  (Clearly, I just had NO IDEA!)  We had short term plans of moving and making some changes for the big kids, and we had long term plans of raising these kids and opening our home to fostering and adoption.  

In the instant it took to pee on that stick, I could feel my entire world shifting out of it's comfort zone.  Now in all fairness, my comfort zone is quite small.  I like routine and predictability.  The only spontaneity I'm up for is that in which I impulsively concoct and con my ever patient husband into.  I'm a creature of habit... a homebody... and generally pretty boring.

It was extremely hard to maintain my composure as I told my husband and close family and friends about our news.  I am a firm believer that life begins at conception.  I believe in God's plan.  I believe that babies are a blessing... always.  I hold so many beliefs that were being tested.  And then the fear... oh the fear!  If I didn't instantly attach to this baby quick enough would God take it from me?  Was I even worthy to be it's mother when I'm so unsure about my feelings?  I knew these feelings were irrational.  God doesn't take babies.  But that's how my mind works... impulsive and irrational.  That's me.

After some tears and deep reflection I had to mourn the loss of the dreams I currently had.  The changes that would not come at this time.  The children I wanted to love and care for that would not be mine.  I had to realize I could still do all the things I wanted to do, but perhaps it would look differently.  God had a different plan for our family, and I had to trust in that.  Obviously, that is not always my strength.

Now I'm at a place where I'm feeling much better about things.  There are still days this all seems so surreal.  I've accepted the fact that my feelings are real and okay.  I know that history shows that it takes me awhile to bond with my babies in utero.  (I think this this is partly due to feeling sick and tired all the time.)  But I can still be a good mother.  I'm still worthy of having children to love and care for.  And if God sees fit that Josh and I bring another child into this world, I will welcome that.  It is truly an honor that I do not take lightly.

Today, I have no idea what life will look like by the time the baby arrives in April.  There are so many things I am unsure of.  But today I am at peace knowing that I am the proud mother of four children who are so very loved.  And for today, that's enough.

Greens Baby

So we've officially blasted all over social media that...

Yep... That's right!  Baby #4 is on the way!  I have no doubt that leaves many people going, "What on earth are they thinking?"  "Don't they know what prevents that?"  "Didn't they just say their kid slept with grapes in her mouth?"  "They've lost their minds!"  And yeah... maybe we have!  There are certainly days I think that as I'm juggling our life of homeschooling, gymnastics, baseball, room parent, etc.  

However, the biggest question I've been getting is, "Was this planned or was it a surprise?"  It makes me giggle when people ask.  And I certainly don't mind answering.  So here is my answer... Baby #4 was a surprise to our family but certainly part of God's plan for us.  Here is our story:

Since we had Hadlie five years ago, we have been practicing natural family planning.  For many reasons we didn't feel as if birth control was a fit for us.  We charted like crazy people, and we were extremely accurate.  Not one mistake.  Until July.  Our first "uh oh" in five years.  We knew that day when we went to chart it (told you we did this like crazy people) that we had played with fire.  But honestly we figured that the odds were in our favor.  We weren't careful for a year and half before we finally got Miss Hadlie.  But one time is all it takes!

Of course this made no sense to me.  A year and a half before getting Hadlie and one time for baby #4?!?  So I began researching.  What had I been doing differently?  What made me so fertile this time?  Didn't my body remember it only likes to get pregnant in December?  

I began looking back.  I had been on a health kick.  (Which I have quickly thrown out the window to eat anything and everything that I want until this baby comes!!)  I had been walking, using our It Works Wraps, and drinking my Greens religiously.  So which part of this made me Fertile Myrtle?!?  

I believe hands down it was the Greens (with the help of the Wraps).  The Greens correct your body's alkalinity.  What do you find when you research alkalinity and pregnancy?  Well, the more alkaline your body, the easier it is for you to get pregnant!  (Which makes total sense when you think about how an alkaline body works against cancer!)  And BAM!  As soon as I read that it all clicked! 

This is my little Greens Baby!  I have no doubt that they were doing exactly what they were designed to do in my body, and this baby is my proof of that!  Most people get more energy and become healthier.  I got a BABY!  Talk about RESULTS!  

Now that I have looked into it more, I know that I'll start back on my health kick as soon as I'm able to with baby and breastfeeding.  I was feeling good and starting to lose some weight.  (I've gained every pound plus some back.  Thank you constant nausea only cured by food... and lots of good meds!)  But since we know the Greens do some serious work in my body, Daddy will be going on a field trip soon... SNIP SNIP ;)

Edited to add:  We've had several questions regarding the Greens.  You can find a product description here.  Please e-mail me at joshnjessmarick@gmail.com if you have any questions regarding the Greens or the specifics of what I was doing/using.