Parenting in the Valley

This season of life has been such a mixture of emotions.  While I am relishing in the joy of being Cooper's Mama, I am feeling more defeated than ever when it comes to giving the proper attention to my other children.  Especially my third little love, who admittedly has been always my biggest parenting challenge.

I see the sadness in her eyes daily when she has to crawl out of my lap so Cooper can crawl in.  I feel her heartbreak when I'm too quick in snapping at her for not being careful enough around the baby.  I sense her desire to find her place, to please me, and most of all have my full and undivided attention.  And my heart is breaking too... Knowing I'm failing her every single day, seeing the hurt in her beautiful blue eyes.

I know God gave me these particular children with these particular needs and personalities, yet I'm not meeting those needs or nurturing those little personalities the way I should be.  And the worst part is I feel like I'm drowning trying to make it all happen and run smoothly.  No matter what I do someone gets the short end of the stick.  There is just not enough Mama to fill everyone's cup.

I would never wish away my time in the valley because I know it is there that growth happens.  I can only hope that when this season is over and we are back on the mountain tops, no damage has been done and most of all... I hope my baby girl knows how very much I love her.

Love Her Well

Dear Kindergarten Teachers,

I appreciate the form you gave us to fill out so that you could get to know our children better, but I couldn't help but notice how small the space was underneath the section that asked if there was anything additional or special about our children that we wanted you to know.  Perhaps you didn't realize how special my Hadlie is so you had no idea that I would need more space.  

You see, Hadlie is going to walk in your room tall and brave tomorrow.  She'll do that because that's what Hadlie does.  She'll speak with confidence and make us all laugh before we leave.  She never misses an opportunity to be funny when she's with us.  But it's when we walk away that I need you to see into her eyes and into her soul.  I won't be there to tell you, so I'm trusting you'll know.

Hadlie will not seek attention nor will she cry.  But she will be just as nervous as the rest of the children.  Hadlie will not disobey or act out.  She is very fearful of getting in trouble.  In fact, should she accidentally do something that is displeasing to you, she will look very sad and withdraw into herself.  I tell you this because this is how she lets you know that it hurts her heart to see you disappointed.  She hates disappointing others.

My Hadlie will also sit alone and play alone.  Not because she lacks social skills or because she is not friendly, but because it doesn't bother her to play alone.  If she is not invited or encouraged to play with others, often times she will not.  My Hadlie is hesitant to include herself, but once she has been included she is well liked and tons of fun.  I need you to make sure she's included.  I will worry all day that she's not making friends.  I'm trusting that you'll make sure she does.

Hadlie will not ask you for help, and if she does I beg you to take the time to give it to her.  It is not lost on me that there are a zillion little people all vying for your attention tomorrow.  But she is not needy, and she will not ask for anything unless she really needs it.  She will speak quietly and appear very shy.  This is because she will feel nervous to actually speak to you.  I promise this will change by the end of the year.  

My girl is afraid to try things she may not be good at, and she fears getting an answer wrong.  Please do not mistake her for unintelligent.  Just keep encouraging her.  And praise her effort.  

I know so much of this may seem silly.  She's not the first kindergartner you've ever had.  I know, you've got this.  That's why you are the teacher!

But I am the parent, and tomorrow a piece of my heart will leave me for the first time in almost 6 years.  She will go to a place I will not be, with people I do not know, and make friends that I have not met.  I will miss seeing her smile light up the room when she learns something new, and I will miss the laughter that she fills our home with.  

I beg you to see what a light she is in the lives of all she meets.  She is smart, and funny, and she has the most beautiful soul.  She knows and loves Jesus in a way most cannot comprehend.  She is a proud big sister and an adored little sister.  Part of my heart beats solely because she exists in my world.  

Tomorrow I will hand you my baby girl, and you will introduce her to a world she must navigate without me.  Please love her well for me... 

Hadlie's Mom

Rainbow Dash

They had all the components to make a Rainbow Dash costume at Party City.  There was a full blown Pinkie Pie costume in her size.  I thought surely we would be set, and I would have escaped making a Halloween costume this year.  But when those big blue eyes look at you and say, "I want you to make it."  Well, by God, you make a Rainbow Dash costume.

There probably isn't supposed to be profanity along the way, but there was.  There probably wasn't supposed to be three trips to Hobby Lobby involved either,  but there was that too.  How could one little pony, excuse me... Pegasus, be such a pain in the butt?!?  

I started with this fantastic model, a crap ton of tulle, scissors, ribbon, some glue, and just enough crazy to think I would tackle this in no time. Honestly, I feel like this is the point in which someone should have reminded me that I hate making tutus.  It's tedious and time consuming.  Tulle is a... well, not fun... to work with.  Plus, with this whole pregnancy thing I've taken on, my patience is at a negative number.  (If that's a thing.  I'm pretty sure it is.)

So I cut and cut and started tying my little heart out.  (Shout out to Bitty for holding the ribbon while I tied.)  It wasn't long before I realized that I didn't have near enough tulle to finish this skirt.  I contemplated making wider tail to make up for it, but then I realized having a tail wider than her butt might not be the look I was going for.  Then I'd just be mad at myself for taking a short cut, and I'd go back and redo it.  Cue the phone call to Husband.

Husband was out searching the town for a light blue leotard.  I could tell he was eager to head back to Hobby Lobby to get more tulle for me, so in an effort to make his day even brighter I went ahead and asked for a piece of felt also.  He sends me pics to make sure he got the right stuff.  (Such a gem Husband is.)  I tell him I can't really tell in the pictures if it's what I want, but it seems okay.

Sweet Husband gets home and the tulle he got was HORRIBLY wrong.  It wasn't even blue.  I'm not sure what he was thinking.  Bless his heart.  That meant he had to go back.  But since Husband loves Hobby Lobby and crafty women and running my errands... well, who am I to stop him?!?  

In the mean time, I put together some ears for this costume.  I had everything I needed for that.  And I got the "cutie mark" completed.  (Thank you second trip to Hobby Lobby and the felt request.)  I was pretty proud.  It was looking somewhat like my model.

Well, the third time's a charm.  Finally enough tulle in the right color.  Husband has become a hit with the Hobby Lobby ladies after his third trip.  They built his ego claiming him to be a "saint" and me the "lucky wife".  Whatever... I got my tulle.

The show goes on.  THREE.  HOURS.  LATER.  I finished this Rainbow Dash costume.  I tried it on her because I'll be damned if Halloween night comes and that costume doesn't work like a freakin' charm!  I immediately decided I put too much work into it for her to wear to her Halloween party tomorrow night.  (That'll teach her to turn down the Party City costume!)  So here we are.  Ghetto rigged as all get out, but by God.... SHE'S RAINBOW DASH!

My mom sees her and excitedly exclaims, "You're a cat!!"