God in the House

I have gone to church all my life.  I was raised in the church.  I am not one of those people who has some great testimony about what lead them to Christ.  I have always believed.  


Lately I have been thinking about my children and their walk with God.  By having them baptized as infants (we are Methodist) I have committed to guiding and nourishing that relationship.  I have thought a lot about what I am doing, what I have done, and what I would like to do to set them forth on a path where their relationship with God is an enriching friendship that provides them an undeniable love and security.  


When my sister and I were little my parents were very involved in our church.  They were part of a Sunday School class, they played softball, they worked with our Wednesday night program (Logos), they worked with the youth group, sang in the choir, served on committees... the list goes on and on.  If the saying that "actions speak louder than words" is true, then my parents were a shining example of believing, loving, and serving our Lord.


Looking back, the one thing I wish we had was the "words" to go along with the actions.  While I remember praying with my parents at dinner and before bed, I do not remember God being spoken of often.  Now granted, this is just my memory so I could be wrong.  But I don't remember us discussing what was talked about in church, or speaking of the Lord in times of need or trouble, or hearing Bible verses.  To this day it is the same.  I see my parents Bibles out.  Often times I see my Dad reading his.  However, God isn't spoken of like He lives in our home.


I want that to be different for my children, and I try to make it that way.  I want God to be spoken of like He is another family member or friend.  When my children have a good day, I want it to be second nature to them to stop and thank God.  When they are struggling with something, I want scripture to come to their minds and fill their hearts.  I want them to talk to God as if they can tell him anything and not worry about the formalities adults often add to prayers.  I truly want them to have a relationship with God in our home.  I want them to see my actions combined with my words and have that as their guide.


I realize I have a long way to go before I can truly be the spiritual leader they need.  First and foremost, I need to marry their father.  The guilt of that eats at me everyday.  Then I need to continue feeding myself spiritually.  I'm not sure what that will look like when it's all done, but it is heavy on my heart that changes are needing to be made.  Perhaps it will be a growing experience for all of us. 

"Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it." 

Proverbs 22:6

Hadlie Elaine - Birth Story

My precious Hadlie is my child who has taught me patience from the start.  She was the child we talked about wanting for a year and a half.  So it was such a pleasant surprise the day I found out I was pregnant with her.  Even though our situation wasn't the ideal one we had in mind when Josh and I discussed wanting to have a baby, we were ecstatic to find out she was coming!

I found out I was pregnant on January 9, 2009.  I knew before I took I even took a pregnancy test that I was pregnant.  My dad was heating up leftover Chinese food in the microwave.  The smell instantly took me back to the nauseated feeling I had for over 14 weeks with Lexie.  I grabbed Lexie, and we left to go somewhere that didn't smell for lunch (Freddy's).  It was the longest lunch ever.  (Partly because Lexie's the slowest eater ever, and partly because I couldn't wait to confirm that I really was pregnant.)  I stopped at CVS on the way home for a pregnancy test.  Sure enough, I was pregnant!

The next few months were followed by me starting my day (and anywhere throughout the day) throwing up.  I even got the flu.  Probably the most scary part of being pregnant because of the high temperature I had.  Needless to say, I was miserable!

At 13 weeks the doctor did an ultrasound and asked us if we wanted to know if we were having a boy or a girl.  He was almost 100% sure a little girl was on the way!  A few weeks later this was confirmed by another ultrasound.  And the planning began... 


The pregnancy as a whole was much harder than having Lexie.  Hadlie was positioned in a way where I was in a lot of pain.  The only relief I received was from sitting on an exercise ball.  She also offered us a few scares where she wouldn't move for long periods of time.  Thankfully she always ended up being okay.

Hadlie was due on September 10, 2009.  Since that was her sister's birthday we decided we didn't want to take any chances with having her on that day.  The doctor said we could induce her anytime after 39 weeks.  So we decided September 4, 2009 would be the day!  

On September 3 we spent the day doing last minute preparations.  We went to pick up Jacob so he could be there with us for his sister's birth the next day.  Josh was working nights at the time and had only slept a few hours due to everything that needed to be done.  We were hoping for one last peaceful night before having to wake up at 5 am to be at the hospital.  But as Josh says, God's plan is not always our plan.  Jacob began throwing up in the middle of the night.  We couldn't take him to the hospital with us around a brand new baby.  Our choices were that one of my family members would miss Hadlie's birth or Jacob had to go home.  We decided the right choice was to take him back to his mom.  Needless to say, she was more than pissed because it was her "kid free weekend".  Josh and I were disappointed Jacob wasn't going to be there.  Things just weren't off to a good start.


After arriving at the hospital and getting everything going Josh was finally able to get some much needed rest while I was in the early stages of labor.  While he was resting things began to get a little crazy, and he was awakened by the nurses in there moving me around and hooking me up to oxygen.  Our little Hadlie was not doing so well.  A lot of what happened in the next hour and a half is a blur for me.  I remember the doctor and nurses coming in and out.  I remember getting checked periodically.  And I remember telling them that we would have a baby there by noon.  I was determined to make this a quick adventure!


Sure enough in a little less than 6 hours I was ready to push.  I was very scared by this time.  Hadlie still wasn't handling things well, and I will never forget the scared look in Josh's eyes or the look of my mom trying to keep a brave smile but great concern was hiding behind it.  Fortunately, pushing is my strong area (if that's possible)!  In a couple of pushes Miss Hadlie was out!


Our bruised up, red eyed girl arrived at 11:48 am weighing 6lbs. 10oz.  After being looked over (and finding out she was fine) I got to see her!  I latched her on, and took in the natural high that having a baby gives you.  It was simply amazing!

Hadlie's personality is very much like it was in the womb.  Everything is done in her way and in her timing.  She continues to test my patience each and every day.  She is strong willed, independent, and absolutely hilarious.  She has brought more joy to our lives than we ever could have imagined.  From the moment we found out we were having her and each and every day after, she has given our little family a sense of togetherness.  She is the common link that brings us all together... both biologically and in the deepest depths of our souls.  

Hadlie's brother and sister love her to the ends of the earth.  They protect her, play with her, and encourage her.  To see her father with her is a love like I've never seen before... he's completely captivated by her.  On September 4, 2009 he was changed, and he has never been the same again.  When you see him look at Hadlie it is clear that the change in him is entirely because of her.  As for me, I get to witness all of this love for one little girl each and every day through the people I love so dearly.  There are times my heart is so full I think it will burst.  Words cannot do justice to the feelings I have for my precious Little Foot.  The word "love" seems so insufficient for the way I feel about her.  Only God can leave me speechless like that.

We've had the pleasure of raising Hadlie for two years today, and it's been a wildly fantastic ride!  Happy Birthday, Hadlie Elaine!

 

Second Grade... Here We Come!

It seems like only yesterday when Josh and I were cuddled in bed, feeling Hadlie move inside my tummy, tears streaming down our faces, clearly not ready to send our babies to kindergarten.  Now here we are... two years later.

 

Lexie's first day Kindergarten

 Jacob's first day of Kindergarten

Tomorrow Lexie and Jacob will begin second grade.  It's hard to believe that time has flown by so quickly.  It's hard to believe how much they've grown in the past two years.  They look different. They act different.  They have different interests.  They are no longer "little kids".  They are maturing into "big kids".  Again, I am not ready.

I am able to deal with Jacob changing and growing more easily than I am with Lexie.  I think that is due to the fact that since the beginning he has gone back and forth between houses.  Josh and I miss things.  His mother and step-father miss things.  The relationship between us all leaves much to be desired so we have never all been there for anything, and often times new accomplishments and daily happenings are not shared by either party.  One of the many tragedy's of a "broken home" and our inability to look past ourselves.  


However, I have watched him grow and change so much.  Especially this past summer.  He has progressed leaps and bounds.  At the end of the day it is my prayer that this progress will be nurtured by his teacher and continued throughout the year.  Josh and I have committed to helping as needed with the PTA at his school as well as in his classroom.  We have gotten him a phone so that throughout the week we are able to text or call him to see how his day was.  We are really making an effort to try to give him all that Lexie and Hadlie get from us.  We want to be able to be a part of these moments even if it is only in a small way.  Second grade will change him just like the past two years did.  God is working through Jacob in many ways right now, and I could not be more excited to see what this year brings for him!

Sending Lexie to school is a little harder for me.  Every year it is so bittersweet.  I'm filled with pride at the brilliant girl that she has become.  However, I don't think a mother ever gets used to sending her baby off somewhere.  There is always that small twinge of heartache when I realize that I will be missing precious moments of her growing, changing, learning.  Moments I used to witness all of.  Moments I was unprepared to face eight years ago as a young scared mother have now become moments I'm unprepared to give up to someone else.  One of life's many ironies...

I teared up finding out who Lexie's teacher was and again when meeting her.  I have no doubt that tomorrow will be tear filled too.  I will, once again, be handing my Bitty Boo over to someone else for the majority of her waking hours.  A place that Lexie so dearly loves.  A place filled with friends, laughter, and learning.  All things that fill Lexie's spirit.  And I'll wait eagerly to pick her up to find out all of the exciting things that happened... which from Lexie is less about what they learned and more about what happened at recess!

Tomorrow I will be placing my trust in Mrs. Hackett (Lexie's teacher) and Mrs. Auten (Jacob's teacher) and their schools.  I will trust that they will not only teach them everything they need to know, but that they will do so in a way that shows my children love, acceptance, and grace when needed.  I'll trust that they will be encouraged and challenged to be the best people they can be.  And I will hope and pray that they will build friendships that stand the test of time.  That they will be accepted for who they are.  That they are brave enough to stand up for others, and that others will stand up for them.  I pray that they will show all those they meet kindness and respect.  That their heart for Jesus will outweigh their desire to give into peer pressure.  

Part of my heart will be in second grade tomorrow... I just hope the other part can handle that! 

 Lexie at 2nd Grade "Meet the Teacher"

Jacob at 2nd Grade "Meet the Teacher"

Attention Prairie Trail Parents

I copied and pasted this from an e-mail I received!  Hope you can help! 

 

The Shops at Highland Village is pleased to announce our inaugural school rewards program,

”It’s Elementary!” Between August 19 and October 13, Prairie Trail has a chance to

earn up to $3,000!

 

The program is as easy as 1-2-3. Here’s how:

1. Simply shop at any retailer at The Shops at Highland Village. At the time of purchase, the store associate will provide you with a duplicate receipt. Write “Prairie Trail Elementary” on the receipt and drop it in the “It’s Elementary!” box at the store.

2. Your school sales will be tracked during the 8-week rewards program.

Weekly results will be posted on our website and Facebook page.

3. At the end of the rewards program, schools will receive a donation based upon

points-per-student. Points are accumulated through purchases and other opportunities

as outlined on the website.

 

Schools will be awarded:

1st Place: $3,000 2nd Place: $2,000 3rd-5th Place: $1,000 All Others: $500

(Only 10 schools were allowed to participate so we have a 1 in 10 chance to earn $3,000!!)

 

 

It’s Elementary Kick-Off Double Points  Shopping Day Opportunity

Earn Double points for your school when you turn in receipts from the following Shops at Highland Village retailers between August 19 – August 21 (Tax Free weekend):

·         Brilliant Sky Toys & Books

·         Children’s Place

·         Adventure Kids Playcare

·         Janie & Jack

·         Justice

·         Stride Rite

·         Gymboree

Struggles of Being a Step Mom - Background Story

The past couple of days have been doozies in Step Mom Land.  My patience has been tried, my nerves have been frazzled, and my ability to be pleasant is quickly fading.  Now don't get me wrong... I love my step son, Jacob.  In fact, I don't care for the word "step" at all.  (I assume most blended families probably feel the same way.)  When we refer to our family, our children, we never use the world "step".  He is my son.  He is the brother of my children.  I would do anything for him, just as I would my children.  

So a little background... I met Jacob shortly before he turned 3 years old.  He has always had what I consider to be "quirks".  Some I feel need to be looked into professionally, others I feel are a direct result of primarily living with his mother.  This theory continues to be proven the more I'm around him.  

Anyway, his mother has never wanted me to be with Josh.  I don't take this personally because I think she would feel this way about any girl that he would have been serious about after her.  I just happened to be the first one.  When I first met Josh he had 50/50 custody of Jacob.  There was no court order.  Shortly after we met he was in an accident and could not care for himself much less Jacob.  He began to have him less (for obvious reasons) and after much discussion we felt it would be best for Jacob's future to not be passed back and forth so much as he got older and started school.  A court order was made giving her primary physical custody.  However, Josh blindly signed it (stupid on his part) and gave up more time than he should have.  At the time his mom had no life except Jacob.  She appeared to be very into all that being a mother entailed so this seemed like an okay decision.  

Hindsight is 20/20, and we now realize giving up 50/50 custody was mistake number one.  Josh not showing an attorney (or me for that matter) that court order before he signed it was mistake number two.  So currently we are left with a court order that gives Josh less than standard visitation, and a mother who seems to have lost interest in being a mom.  

Jacob currently lives with his mother most of the time, his step-dad, and two of his five children. When he is not there, he is with us.  Me, Josh, and our daughters, Lexie and Hadlie.  Needless to say he has two very extreme home lives, and as he goes back and forth so does his personality.  


Over the four and a half years I have known him, I have had several concerns.  Jacob is extremely shy and withdrawn.  He struggles making friends, and often chooses children to play with who are bullies and do not treat him kindly.  When playing with children his own age, often times he is very awkward in his interactions.  However, he is able to play fine with Lexie.  I attribute that to the great amount of time they spend together.  I can only assume he is probably able to interact "normally" with his other step-siblings as well.  Jacob thrives in a routine (and I mean that in a more extreme way than saying my two year old thrives in a routine).  He likes his toys lined up.  He plugs his ears at loud noises.  He walks on his toes (at age seven).  I could go on and on, but you get the idea.


I do not write these things to in any way degrade or devalue Jacob.  I write them to express where we are coming from.  To express our struggle... our small victories along the way.  I spend countless hours with him when he is with me battling each of these things one step at a time.  And I am proud to say we have seen tremendous progress.  Especially over the summer when we had him for an extended period of time.  However, our biggest struggle is his mother and the environment she provides for him.


Now anyone who knows me knows my obsession with my children.  Everything I do is for them.  I'm the overprotective, over involved, over indulgent... you get the idea... mom.  Jacob's mother is more of the passive type parent.  She is the "If his grades are good and he is fed, what does it really matter if his clothes fit right" type of mom.  I'm sure they'll be more details about my experiences with her at another time.  So hopefully you get the point... polar opposites.


Over the years I've gone back and forth on my involvement in Jacob's life.  Is it better to try to be involved or not be involved?  Is it better to walk away and just let him be the kid that visits on the weekend?  Is it too hard on him to bring him back and forth when he is so used to his mom's way of doing things?  Perhaps we should back out all together and let him be there and us stay out of things?  Perhaps we should try to get custody?  Maybe at the end of the day we really just don't know what to do... and that's pretty much where we have been left.  We realize that it's a struggle at times.  Being a part of his life is definitely not the easy way out.  It's not easy for us or for him, and it's probably not easy on his mom either.  


So moving on... over the summer we had Jacob for a month.  During that time provided Jacob the opportunity to be in many "growth" type situations, and I am proud to say that he thrived!  He went from completely shutting down when adults talked to him to being able to be a greeter at my granddad's 80th birthday party.  He went from playing around and talking in his Kung Fu class to being one of the top students.  He went from being withdrawn and scared of confrontation to being able to speak up when he doesn't like something or has an opinion that he wants to share.  All in all, huge victories for just 30 days of time together.  So you can imagine how excited I was when he came back for the weekend this past Friday and all of these positive behaviors continued.  (I expected regression from being at his mom's.)  On top of that the confirmation from other who had noticed progress in Jacob had me just elated!


So here it is Monday.  Jacob is at his mom's house, and we have been texting/talking back and forth throughout the day.  And what happens??  My Kung Fu star... my child who spent his exercise time each morning practicing his Kung Fu... the boy who was willing to give up swimming to go to Kung Fu, tells me that he doesn't want to go today.  He wants to have family time at his mom's.  Immediately I knew something was up.  First of all, why should this have been a choice?  He made the commitment to be in the class.  There should be no discussion of whether or not he wants to go.  His mother should just see to it that he goes.  Secondly, like I stated before, he loves Kung Fu.  What has prompted him to decide he wants family time instead of going to class?  Needless to say I'm baffled.  So I talk to him and tell him that I'm sad he decided not to go, and I'm disappointed that he's choosing not to stick to his commitment.  Conversations I know won't be had at his current location.  Then I follow it up with a text letting him know I love him and that I'm not mad at him.  


But I am mad... I'm furious.  Furious at his mother.  I know that's where the problem started.  After all, he was given the choice of going or not going.  Parenting mistake number one.  And to be honest, I have no doubt it was presented in a way that hinted she did not want to go or that she would provide an alternate "more fun" activity.  Because the bottom line is, she's lazy.  


More than anything I'm bothered because I realize that all of the progress we made this summer is only progress here.  My precious boy who has grown so much has only grown so much here.  He may stand up to me and his father, but he is still afraid of his mother.  Still afraid to tell her what he really wants.  He still claims her desires as his own all in an effort to please her.  I doubt she notices or that she cares as long as she is not bothered.  That's just how she is.


So after much conversation and Josh putting a little pressure on, the situation was resolved... at least the Kung Fu part.  Jacob ended up going.  And his mom is officially watching for the 2nd time.  As for getting him to stand up to his mom, stick to his commitments, etc... well, that will require more work.  


It's been a long weekend... yesterday her parents and today her.  Sadly, I see no end in sight.  It's a good thing I love this kid and his dad because I'm a girl with low tolerance and little patience.  Well, that's all for today.  Kudos to you if you stuck with it.  More on "Struggles of Being a Step Mom" later!!

Five Dollar Friday!!

From now until the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure (where I'll be kicking some serious cancer butt and taking names for 60 miles!!) I will be doing FIVE DOLLAR FRIDAY!  This is where I will be asking anyone and everyone to donate just $5 towards my fundraising goal of $2,300.  

I started by asking on Facebook and Twitter.  In fact, if all of my Facebook friends donated the $5 I would raise over $3,000.  That would provide 25 potentially life-saving mammograms!  What an amazing thing that would be!

So why just $5?  The 3-day encourages you to ask BIG!  And well, $5 isn't that big.  Most of us don't think twice about spending $5.  I know Sonic gets $5 from me almost every day.  But for me, that was the point.  Everyone can give up one day of Starbucks or Sonic or lunch out with friends for one day.  In today's hard times it doesn't put any one person out too terribly much.  And breast cancer... cancer in general... that is a battle we must all fight together.  We must all do our part to help.  So if that means giving up Sonic for the day so I can do a small part in ending breast cancer, well I'd be happy to.  And I'm hoping that is the response I get from all those I am asking to donate $5.  I hope that they are happy to do their part!


So, 3-day friends, I encourage you to join me in FIVE DOLLAR FRIDAY if you haven't met your fundraising goal yet.  Maybe it will help you along the way!


And for those of you out there reading this, if you could please make a donation of $5 today... well, I sure would be grateful!
 
Visit my 3-day page to donate your $5 today!

3-Day Training Struggles

The DFW 3-day is quickly approaching (15 weeks away??), and I'm struggling with training in a BAD way!  I don't even have a good excuse because I'm physically capable in every way, shape, or form.  In face, I'm physically in NEED of some good training walks.  

I'd love to blame it on this hot Texas summer, but when my 54 year old Dad walks at least 5 miles every day around noon... well, it just makes me look bad.  I've tried to convince myself that it's because of my work schedule that I can't walk.  I'd have to get up at 5 a.m. to get a decent walk in.  I've tried setting my alarm to get up and walk, but I never actually get up.  Then, I promise myself that I WILL walk in the evening.  The evening comes and goes... and alas, I just go to bed.  

Really, I'm just full of sh... excuses :)  There is absolutely no reason I have not been training the way I should.  I'm just lazy and unmotivated right now.  I can't put my finger on what is causing this lack of motivation.  It's not just with the 3-day.  It's with everything.  However, the 3-day is what will kill my body when it's not prepared come November, and I want to walk all 60 miles with no blisters, no injuries, NOTHING stopping me!  

I guess I better get myself in gear.  Just make myself get up and walk.  Perhaps I need to make myself a sticker chart...