Recently I attended the dotMom conference when it came to Frisco, TX. It was an amazingly powerful weekend that shook my faith to it's core. It challenged me as a mother, a wife, and more importantly as a Christian. I have spent the last few weeks trying to sort through all I learned and apply it in my everyday life because I was that moved... that changed.
One of the many messages that really resonated with me over the weekend of the conference was that the most important ministry I will ever be a part of is the one in my home. Wow! I just hate it when the obvious jumps out at me and slaps me in the face!
I think back to all the places I've volunteered. All the places where I've devoted time in nourishing others souls... other children to be exact. And then I look at what is happening in my home. My children see me read my Bible. We talk about Bible verses and memorize them, but not as often as we should. We listen exclusively to Christian music in the car. I try to deliver discipline with a healthy dose of scripture to back it up. I'm doing a good job, right?!?
Then it hit me. I am not doing a good job. I'm probably not even doing a mediocre job. Tonight as I was sharing the story of Jesus' death with my children I realized that I am completely inadequate for this most important of ministries. I do not know enough about the Bible, I do not even know how to pronounce all the words correctly, I do not know if my words are what my children are needing to hear, I do not know if my chaotic prayers leave them feeling refreshed or throwing up their own little shout out to God with something to the effect of, "Sorry about our Mom, God. She's kind of a hot mess." There is just so much I don't know.
And for me that is a scary place to be. Because I want so badly for my children to know God. I want for them to be in a home where praying is as natural as breathing, where scripture fills their hearts... a place where they follow Jesus with reckless abandon! It's just hard for me to believe that God really thinks I'm the right girl for this job. My children, my husband, they deserve someone so much more qualified than crazy ol' me who is still trying to figure it all out.
Inadequate and unqualified for this job, I certainly am. Filled with desire to do more, know more, understand more, well, I am that as well. God entrusted me with His precious children during their time on earth for a reason. So I'll keep praying my chaotic prayers, and I'll keep opening my Bible with a desperate longing to know more. Something tells me I'll never really be qualified for this important ministry I've been entrusted with. Thank goodness God has my back in case I go and screw it all up!
