You're Eight Today

An excerpt from the journal I write to Lexie.  This was written shortly before her first birthday.
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In about 45 minutes you will be turning one!  I cannot believe your first birthday is already here.  It's hard to imagine that it has been a year since I first held you in my arms.  It seems like it was last week that I brought you home from the hospital, and now you are so big and you can walk and laugh and joke.  You are a little girl instead of a baby girl now!  Wow!  I'm so amazed.  It is such a bittersweet moment for me as you turn one tomorrow.  I am happy to see you grow and learn, but I miss the days of having a bitty baby.  

Lexie, I am so proud of you each and every day.  Not only do you bring a smile to my face, but you also bring smiles to the faces of many others.  You are so smart... just simply amazing!  Everything about you is above and beyond brilliant, and you are only a year old.  

I can tell already you have a bright future ahead of you.  (Your personality alone will see to that.)  I look forward to watching you learn more and more.  It never ceases to amaze me!

Lexie, I love you so much.  I am blessed every day over and over because of you.  Thank you for giving me the best year of my life.  I look forward to a lifetime of happiness because of you!

Happy Birthday My Love!

XOXO
Mommy

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I'm still so amazed by you!  Your personality draws people to you.  Your beautiful smile makes others smile.  Your compassionate heart puts people at ease.  You have proven in eight years that you have the ability to change lives... for you have forever changed mine!   I have witnessed you do such great things in your short time here on this earth, and I have no doubt you are just getting started.  I pray that you will continue to let the light of Jesus shine through you, and that you will trust in Him always.  Words are not enough to express my feelings for you.  My precious daughter... my Bitty Boo... the child I never knew I wanted, and the child I couldn't live without.  You have made me a better person, and I can only hope that I am also doing that for you.  My love for you is like no other.  The bond we share, so unique.  There is a part of my heart that beats just for you.  Lexie Loree... you are the most precious gift from God.


Happy 8th Birthday, Bitty!

God in the House

I have gone to church all my life.  I was raised in the church.  I am not one of those people who has some great testimony about what lead them to Christ.  I have always believed.  


Lately I have been thinking about my children and their walk with God.  By having them baptized as infants (we are Methodist) I have committed to guiding and nourishing that relationship.  I have thought a lot about what I am doing, what I have done, and what I would like to do to set them forth on a path where their relationship with God is an enriching friendship that provides them an undeniable love and security.  


When my sister and I were little my parents were very involved in our church.  They were part of a Sunday School class, they played softball, they worked with our Wednesday night program (Logos), they worked with the youth group, sang in the choir, served on committees... the list goes on and on.  If the saying that "actions speak louder than words" is true, then my parents were a shining example of believing, loving, and serving our Lord.


Looking back, the one thing I wish we had was the "words" to go along with the actions.  While I remember praying with my parents at dinner and before bed, I do not remember God being spoken of often.  Now granted, this is just my memory so I could be wrong.  But I don't remember us discussing what was talked about in church, or speaking of the Lord in times of need or trouble, or hearing Bible verses.  To this day it is the same.  I see my parents Bibles out.  Often times I see my Dad reading his.  However, God isn't spoken of like He lives in our home.


I want that to be different for my children, and I try to make it that way.  I want God to be spoken of like He is another family member or friend.  When my children have a good day, I want it to be second nature to them to stop and thank God.  When they are struggling with something, I want scripture to come to their minds and fill their hearts.  I want them to talk to God as if they can tell him anything and not worry about the formalities adults often add to prayers.  I truly want them to have a relationship with God in our home.  I want them to see my actions combined with my words and have that as their guide.


I realize I have a long way to go before I can truly be the spiritual leader they need.  First and foremost, I need to marry their father.  The guilt of that eats at me everyday.  Then I need to continue feeding myself spiritually.  I'm not sure what that will look like when it's all done, but it is heavy on my heart that changes are needing to be made.  Perhaps it will be a growing experience for all of us. 

"Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it." 

Proverbs 22:6

Hadlie Elaine - Birth Story

My precious Hadlie is my child who has taught me patience from the start.  She was the child we talked about wanting for a year and a half.  So it was such a pleasant surprise the day I found out I was pregnant with her.  Even though our situation wasn't the ideal one we had in mind when Josh and I discussed wanting to have a baby, we were ecstatic to find out she was coming!

I found out I was pregnant on January 9, 2009.  I knew before I took I even took a pregnancy test that I was pregnant.  My dad was heating up leftover Chinese food in the microwave.  The smell instantly took me back to the nauseated feeling I had for over 14 weeks with Lexie.  I grabbed Lexie, and we left to go somewhere that didn't smell for lunch (Freddy's).  It was the longest lunch ever.  (Partly because Lexie's the slowest eater ever, and partly because I couldn't wait to confirm that I really was pregnant.)  I stopped at CVS on the way home for a pregnancy test.  Sure enough, I was pregnant!

The next few months were followed by me starting my day (and anywhere throughout the day) throwing up.  I even got the flu.  Probably the most scary part of being pregnant because of the high temperature I had.  Needless to say, I was miserable!

At 13 weeks the doctor did an ultrasound and asked us if we wanted to know if we were having a boy or a girl.  He was almost 100% sure a little girl was on the way!  A few weeks later this was confirmed by another ultrasound.  And the planning began... 


The pregnancy as a whole was much harder than having Lexie.  Hadlie was positioned in a way where I was in a lot of pain.  The only relief I received was from sitting on an exercise ball.  She also offered us a few scares where she wouldn't move for long periods of time.  Thankfully she always ended up being okay.

Hadlie was due on September 10, 2009.  Since that was her sister's birthday we decided we didn't want to take any chances with having her on that day.  The doctor said we could induce her anytime after 39 weeks.  So we decided September 4, 2009 would be the day!  

On September 3 we spent the day doing last minute preparations.  We went to pick up Jacob so he could be there with us for his sister's birth the next day.  Josh was working nights at the time and had only slept a few hours due to everything that needed to be done.  We were hoping for one last peaceful night before having to wake up at 5 am to be at the hospital.  But as Josh says, God's plan is not always our plan.  Jacob began throwing up in the middle of the night.  We couldn't take him to the hospital with us around a brand new baby.  Our choices were that one of my family members would miss Hadlie's birth or Jacob had to go home.  We decided the right choice was to take him back to his mom.  Needless to say, she was more than pissed because it was her "kid free weekend".  Josh and I were disappointed Jacob wasn't going to be there.  Things just weren't off to a good start.


After arriving at the hospital and getting everything going Josh was finally able to get some much needed rest while I was in the early stages of labor.  While he was resting things began to get a little crazy, and he was awakened by the nurses in there moving me around and hooking me up to oxygen.  Our little Hadlie was not doing so well.  A lot of what happened in the next hour and a half is a blur for me.  I remember the doctor and nurses coming in and out.  I remember getting checked periodically.  And I remember telling them that we would have a baby there by noon.  I was determined to make this a quick adventure!


Sure enough in a little less than 6 hours I was ready to push.  I was very scared by this time.  Hadlie still wasn't handling things well, and I will never forget the scared look in Josh's eyes or the look of my mom trying to keep a brave smile but great concern was hiding behind it.  Fortunately, pushing is my strong area (if that's possible)!  In a couple of pushes Miss Hadlie was out!


Our bruised up, red eyed girl arrived at 11:48 am weighing 6lbs. 10oz.  After being looked over (and finding out she was fine) I got to see her!  I latched her on, and took in the natural high that having a baby gives you.  It was simply amazing!

Hadlie's personality is very much like it was in the womb.  Everything is done in her way and in her timing.  She continues to test my patience each and every day.  She is strong willed, independent, and absolutely hilarious.  She has brought more joy to our lives than we ever could have imagined.  From the moment we found out we were having her and each and every day after, she has given our little family a sense of togetherness.  She is the common link that brings us all together... both biologically and in the deepest depths of our souls.  

Hadlie's brother and sister love her to the ends of the earth.  They protect her, play with her, and encourage her.  To see her father with her is a love like I've never seen before... he's completely captivated by her.  On September 4, 2009 he was changed, and he has never been the same again.  When you see him look at Hadlie it is clear that the change in him is entirely because of her.  As for me, I get to witness all of this love for one little girl each and every day through the people I love so dearly.  There are times my heart is so full I think it will burst.  Words cannot do justice to the feelings I have for my precious Little Foot.  The word "love" seems so insufficient for the way I feel about her.  Only God can leave me speechless like that.

We've had the pleasure of raising Hadlie for two years today, and it's been a wildly fantastic ride!  Happy Birthday, Hadlie Elaine!